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Seems i have been chosen for Journal of the week

I thought i would write how i am feeling here
mainly for my own piece of mind - but your welcome to view
i hope as i write all these feelings down - that i can see some light at the end of the tunnel

to begin!

My nanna is my world - we have always been very close, i can always remember as a young child
spending all my school holidays here - being spoilt, like nannas do

as my nanna has got older in age - she always carried on thinking she was a *spring chicken*
My nanna is now 92 years old and just been diagnosed with *Vulva Cancer*
my nan took things really well, i however just fell to pieces, and found it really hard to cope with!

Soon as nan was diagnosed, the hospital was great, they got things moving really quickly
and shes had her operation which went well,and is now home!  but it was strange seeing my nanna who now looks so frail and struggling with life, when she has always been so active
and now needs help to walk / sit, and do things she always used to just get straight on with, like cooking and cleaning - going out, alittle gardening and so much more

24/7 care - is now needed for my nanna
she just cannot be left alone - which just breaks my heart!

we are at the moment sharing the care between 3 members of the family as Social services still havent come  to help or assess the situation - for all they care, she could be left alone with no help just rotting!

my mum has COPD, but carries on as if shes 21, i wish she would stop smoking as this isnt helping her health one little bit - each time i mention it, we agree to disagree, before arguments start out!
well until monday she was helping care for nanna - but monday night she collapsed and was rushed into hospital herself with her breathing and is still there.

my cousin ( who is just getting over cancer herself, but still has health problems ) is doing all the nighttime looking after - and some daytime, as i work and can only get here 6 days after work, including sleeping one nighttime at the weekend and spending sat/sun with my nanna
leaving my own household to kinda run itself
as most people know, washing/ironing and cleaning/shopping just doesnt do itself

* wish i could freeze time* maybe then i could get all the things done i need.
this is really driving me nuts, having so much to do, and no time to do it
* i should be asleep right  now, but my mind is racing*

anyway back to Nanna

so now my nanna has been home 3 weeks
she is in so much pain - its heart breaking to see, and especially when the medication doesnt help
and ends up making her worse -

her last visit to see her Specialist Doctor to see how her wounds were healing and to sort out the Radiation Treatment for the 15th Dec
Her Doc was pleased with how she is healing - but isnt pleased with her general health condition, and is thinking it might be a better idea to wait til after Christmas to begin the Radiation Treatment as the stronger she is, the better her chances
So now were just *waiting* for information from the radiation specialiist to speak with her cancer doc.
and in the meantime we sit and watch not really knowing how to deal with things
do i cut myself into 4, sending each part of me to *Work* - *family* - *my mum* or *my nanna*
its something i just havent figured out yet
but i am figuring out that things cannot go on as they are - i snap at everyone, and they just dont deserve it but at the moment its my only release

i am signing off now
will be back with more thoughts/feelings
when i have time to spare

WOW has it really been this long since i last posted here

I have has alot of things to deal with this last few weeks

my mum got rushed into hospital
*shes been very poorly - she has COPD and with what she thought was just a chest infection
turned out to be pneumonia and took some shifting.  Her blood pressure dropped so low
and she once again had no oxygen in her blood which caused us all to panic Yet again!

With my mum being my nanna's career (nan being 92 years old) meant ontop of working-looking after my kids and running the house and driving upto the hospital each day i was also driving into town to see to my nanna - of which my nanna has a few doctors appointments also...

havent a clue how i managed to survive that week....LOL
think my hubby (charlie) took the brunt of it..... - oh well, hes used to me snapping!
* i am sure i was a croc in another life*

The kids are off school on school summer holidays
and dont i know it!

if i hear the word BORED once more....... i will scream LOL

My daughter has had the oppotunity to go on these following trips with my work

water sports/canoeing
rock climbing & laser shooting
a week of kick boxing
horse riding
parkour *freestyle running/jumping/gymnastic style off buildings/equip all safe
Film making
lots of other sessions of craft/cooking
and she has chosen to do NONE...

We have has some strange weather here...
one day so warm and sunny out came the swimming pool
next day - on went the winter woolies....
and we had to calm the dog down from the thunder and lightening bolts...

i cannot remember any kind of weather like this when we were kids *out of season*

Summer always used to be warm and sun shining
Spring - nice - bit of cold - bit of wind - bit of sun (often alot of rain...lol)
Autumn - often sunny but cold
Winter - very cold - lots of rain/ice and if we were lucky a few weeks of snow

omg what am i rambling on about...
think my old age is catching up with me hehe

time to sign off...

Hi

Well its been a long time since I have added anything to this blog

My time seems to be full of work - and pixels...lol

Majorette Competitions are coming up - so my time on a night time is limited too

We have been doing some decorating at home - and of course as the Sun shines we spend some time in the garden

Today - went back to the Doctors
Although I feel fine emotionally - I still feel really shattered
So its back to work for me ................... and once back at work I should soon be back to my

*Normal self*  lmfao <~~~ Normal....lol theres a contridiction if ever I saw one LOL

will post and let you know IF................ I stayed at work or quit!

Hello

Well it does seem a while since I last posted here! and I shall post my ramblings - in no particular order...lol

I've been off work since November - things just not gone so well at all, health wise

I am finally ready to return to work - alittle worried about going back, but hopefully as I do some reduced hours for the first few weeks, things might help me settle back into my work load!

I decided to purchase a domain - thought linking my site to my domain would be a doddle... how wrong I was....lol

Its all done and been reloaded and relinked, and finally the troubles my ISP were giving me are now sorted, and I can actually see my site....lol

Which is a good thing, as I have loaded lots of new things, re-arranged everything and generally spent alot of hard work getting it just how I want it

Weather................. omg where shall I start

one minute its warm ( especially for a UK winter) then its really freezzing and I end up with 2 quilts on my bed and the radiators left on to keep warm through the night

then down comes the snow.............. and down comes the rain

the snow goes, and the ice comes....

and today, although rather cold, the sun is shining like its a mid summers day...

no wonder Iam cracking up lmfao

Hi Everyone

well for 2007, i decided it was time i got a domain...

yeah i might regret it, all the linking i need to do and updates from old site to new one

but its MINE - and hopefully when i get the links done, i will find time to enjoy the site )

Have a great new year

not really been posting much - but hope it changes

Daisy

We came back from our Holiday on Friday,

we thoroughly enjoyed our holiday, it was great just to chill with hubby and the kids

spending time by the Pool, and also the Beach! sipping on the odd drink, and filling our bellies with lovely food!

we went to Menorca ( which we have been several times before and loved it ), this time we stayed in Cala N Porter - which in itself is a lovely place But...... all those hills.... LOL

anyone who's been will understand when i say you need a month at the Gym before you go on holiday there...lol

the beach was a lovely little beach, calm sea, and lots of bars/ cafe's down the strip, which made staying there for the day a fantastic day out - and of cause as you had gone down the 192 steep steps to actually get there, meant you really needed the day to gain the energy to climb them back again...LOL

Ive finally got caught up with my laundry - can you believe how many clothes you actually go through, when most of the time you seem to be in your swim wear...

My first day back to work didnt go so good....

neither did my second day - lol lets hope the third day is better...lol

best get some work done - as i have lots of stuff offline to get done too,

majorette comp, on the 22nd and my daughter has Gym Show on 12,13,14th Oct too...

so a busy busy month again for me

especially as halloween parties / and my birthday too, will mean out will come the broomstick lmfao

hugs, Daisy

HI there

Just a quick note  to let you know where I have been, and what I have been upto!

Firstly, you may of known I was after a new job, sending lots of CV's and letters out, but getting nothing back! - which really did make me feel worthless! GRRRRR at those ppl who just cannot be arsed to respond even if its only via E-mail, after all said and done! it costs sod all to send an email, not like they have to buy stamps, paper and envelopes is it?!

Well fingers crossed I get a responce from my last 2 interviews over the last few days, as both jobs sounded perfect for me....

=================================

We go on our Annual Family Holiday soon, and I have been running about like a mad woman ( ok, ya right I am mad! ) trying to get my last minute things, and of course save up my last lot of dosh needed to be transfered into Euro's!
You would think we never been on our holidays....lol I am so excited - I am like a little kid waiting for Christmas!

=================================

So thats my news...

have a great week

byeeeeeee    

What shall i do with myself today

Its my daughters first sleepover at her friends house - they are then going iceskating and out for tea tomorrow

my son is at the pub - and hubby is working

and i am home alone.....bored

done a few bits of web surfing and just cannot get into doing any pixels tonight which is a shame

as i got all the time to do them in, but no muse!

Hope you all have a great weekend

Daisy